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How to Keep the Wackiness Alive in the Modern Workplace


WARNING:

  1. This page is highly confidential: you must not let your co-workers see this.
  2. Do not attempt to work while reading this.
  3. Do not attempt to operate a motor vehicle while reading this.
  4. If you must eat or drink while reading this, wear a bib. CWIRE will not be held responsible if you spit or drool onto yourself or others as a result of laughing while eating.
  5. Do not read this in a restroom: one should never laugh out loud in a restroom.

Author unknown (Sent to CWIRE by Ann Hamilton)

    1. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
    2. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
    3. Insist that your e-mail address be: "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"
    4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
    5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries or a drink with that.
    6. Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the e-mail to a co-worker and ask her/him to settle the disagreement.
    7. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
    8. Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
    9. Come to work in your pajamas.
    10. Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
    11. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender that you are.
    12. Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
    13. Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
    14. Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page of all reports that you write. If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.
    15. Schedule meetings for 4:14pm.
    16. Encourage your co-workers to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
    17. Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland and charge everyone $15 each.
    18. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."
    19. No matter what anyone asks you, reply "Okay."
    20. Plant a hedge around your cubicle.
    21. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
    22. Grow mold in your coffee cup.
    23. Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans.
    24. Put on your headphones whenever the boss comes into the office. Talk in a loud voice. Remove your headphones when he or she leaves.
    25. When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing" and leave. Go get coffee.
    26. Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
    27. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
    28. Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
    29. Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your daytimer.
    30. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
    31. Organize a carpool. Pick everyone up in a taxi.
    32. Hang mistletoe over your desk.
    33. Include a personal note on every e-mail you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
    34. Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.
    35. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive." 36. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
    37. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
    38. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine additions, switch to espresso.
    39. When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often.

"Now You"


Ever stumble into something funny while wading through the web? Send it to the CWIRE Wolunteers in the name of a local school, church, or other charity, and if we post it, we'll link to a webpage for the organization and credit you for sending it in.

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Source: Author Unknown (sent by Ann Hamilton)



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